Why Not? or Lessons Learned

I learned a very valuable lesson this past few weeks: the difference between choosing to quit and giving up.
The end result is pretty much the same. One ends up ending a situation it was supposed to go on. And all the difference is on the feeling.
When you choose lo leave a country, a relationship, a job, a way of living..., even though is hard and painful, you feel powerful. There is an inner strength that drives you to move forward and stick to you decision, because it was your choice, because you finally became the master of your own life.
Giving up on the other hand, makes you feel powerless. Sometimes, even useless. It is like you succumbed to wrong voice inside your head, to your weaknesses and your ghosts.
They are both acts of rebellion. Against your self, the situation, other people’s expectations and feelings, whatever is between yourself and your peace of mind. Even against that voice telling you to be stronger than the pain, the anger, the doubts and the fear.
There is no right or wrong here. Sometimes life gives you no room to choose and the universe keeps making decisions for you. And sometimes you are just to tired to fight. You need that little amount of energy you have left to survive for the next day and giving up and letting go are the only reasonable thinks to do.
I think I just realized how mature one needs to be to know the difference. When weakness of character meets self protection, or when determination meets stubbornness.
I still make choices and decisions for the wrong reasons, and off course they don’t end up pretty well. I guess the next lesson, not to learn but always to remember, is to hear my heart a little more.
A friend told me today how he started to seize more of live when he decided to look at opportunities and tell himself "why not?". And he really got me thinking all day. The thing is, I always have reasons to do stuff: because I can, because it will help somebody or make them happy, because I would like someone to do it for me when I need it, because it sounds right... And I end up doing thinks that add absolutely no value to my life, just because. From now on I will ask my self "why not?". I really want to know when something is worth doing and safe my energy and time for the good things life has reserved for me. This time around, I will be paying close attention when the answer is "because it is not fulfilling; it doesn’t make me happy; is not what I want".
Probably a little too late in live to be aware of this, some might say, but I say better late than never. Some people don’t get chicken pox until their forty and their kids get it at kinder garden. Timing is overrated. The only right speed in life is your own pace, and I am certainly enjoying mine.