What to Expect When You Are Expecting

Future and actual Mommys and Daddys are going to have to forgive me, but I find this book pretentious and selfish.  Since when "expecting" became exclusive for pregnant women? I expect a looooooot. I am mostly expecting all the time.  How come there are no books for my kind of expectation?

 

If you look for "Expect" in the dictionary, you will get:   

 

1. To look for (mentally); to look forward to, as to something that is believed to be about to happen or come; to have a previous apprehension of, whether of good or evil; to look for with some confidence; to anticipate; -- often followed by an infinitive, sometimes by a clause (with, or without, that); as I expect to receive wages; I expect that the troops will be defeated.

2.  to consider obligatory or required;

3.  to consider reasonably due;

4.  (obsolete) To wait for; to await.

 But if you search for it in google, you might end up suscribing to site that helps you track you’re baby’s growth!!! I have absolutely nothing against pregnancy, on the contrary, I find it one of the most beautiful things in the world.  I, in fact, envy pregnant women, because, according to this book, they are allowed to feel the anxiety of "expecting", and everyone around has to understand it a deal with it.

What about the rest of us???? Don’t we "expect" anything in life? and, for what it’s worse, aren’t we allow to feel the anxiety too? gggrrrrrr!

I would like to have a weekly calendar on what to expect when expecting other things in life.  For example: 

* Confirmation after a job interview:  Week 6 Your inmune and digestive system funtions are becoming inhibited.  Get up from the phone and stop waiting for Human Resourses to call (they probably hired someone else). It is time to try to get an other interview.

* Hot guy to call back:  Week 2 Now you past form the increasing sweating from last week, to chest pain an the nausea.   Hang in there!!! DO NOT drink and dial.  He is probably on a working trip in Uganda.

* Vacations to start:  Week 50 You are just 2 weeks away from your dream vacation in Bahamas.  Although is not unsual for the working period to overdue, you reach the deadline to unbooked the cruise without paying a penalty worth one year salary.  Get over those heart palpitations and shortness of breath, and go talk to your boss!!!! YOU REALY NEED THIS TRIP.

* News from your boyfriend while away on a business trip:  Week 1 Already having concerns? He told you that roaming will cost a fortune and there is no internet in Rio de Janeiro.  Get zen and try to calm that sense of dread and panic.  The tall, blonde and beautiful women you saw in facebook are just a bunch of girls from work.  It is very commun in Brazil to have important meetings at the beach wearing bikins and drinking beer.

Those who had experienced the anxiety of expecting, know exactly what I am talking about.  Sometimes the results are greater that you ever expected, and the stress and headaches and the pale skin and blood pressure and the trembling and many others, are totally worth it.   But other times (I starting to feel this is usual thing) what you see at the end of the road is such a disappointment, that you can’t believe that you were two panic attacks away to be admited in a mental institution.

Just like what happened to me today.  I had being expecting news form a collaborator on book I am trying to write.  I wrote requesting specif data and gave a very detailed list of demands including references to cities and places, a range of music allowed to be use as influence in the book, and frecuency for the updates.  It seems like I was expecting a too much! The initial excitment became stress, and suddenly the stress became anxiety, and finally the anxiety became anger.  And after 20 days I got a lame excuse and a lousy picture.

So, here is my advise for those "expecting":  there is no week calendar on the internet, no support group in a dark alley, no proven formula to be calm.  You are alone in this! and there is no way you are going to let the "expectation" eat you alive.  Work hard, be focus, get zen and hope for the best.  But do not waste your life waiting by the phone.  Invite your new friends to your house for a few aguardientes on the weekend, and you’ll see the world finding it’s way to give you what you deserve.

Good luck!